Pitaka's Testimonials

MARK'S STORY
You can study strawberries. You can read about strawberries. You can hear lectures about strawberries. You can be a professor of strawberry- ology. But you can't experience strawberries until you've tasted a strawberry. Thank you for guiding me into tasting my first strawberry.

I am most excited because my direct experience of Truth is not a "dyad only" experience. I couldn't wait to meditate this first morning back home. I found that by using the same instructions that you gave to contemplate in a dyad work for me alone in meditation. It isn't as easy but I'm sure practice will make perfect.

I feel so transformed. I have more energy than I can ever remember having while at the same time feeling very still inside. The greatest breakthrough came for me when you noticed I was limiting my direct experience. In my various ego dismantlement work I knew that I had core beliefs saying "There's something wrong with me. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy... blah, blah, blah..." Your guidance at that exact moment was like pulling the key log out of the dam.

ELLEN'S STORY
This last week or so has been the most peaceful in my life, following my experience at the Enlightenment Intensive last weekend. All of my worries about dying disintegrated following my "death" at the intensive; the "death" that led me to an experience of the Truth of my Self. Here's how it happened.

The method of contemplation had slowly become clear to me the first day, when I found myself being distracted by many interesting and sometimes painful thoughts and sensations. I was telling the truth to my dyad partners, but, as you pointed out to me then, it was the truth about my passing sensations and thoughts. I did not have a strong enough intention to reach the end of the distraction morass to clear the way to surrender to the new.

On the afternoon of the second day, you gave instructions to my dyad partner after she had finished her sharing. The instructions seemed to fit my situation perfectly. You said hanging out in the peaceful place of heart connection to others was not enough to get her to Truth, and that her intention was not strong enough to bring her to the one-pointed experience of Self. I took these words to heart. It is ironic that hearing them directed at another actually made it easier for me to apply them to myself, since I have so much resistance to authority.

Then it was my turn. I had a passing thought that I might steal thunder from my partner, make it harder with my effort to have her reach the "edge of the nest" and jump off. But I let that thought go: another distraction. I strongly raised my intention to reach the Truth, and up came the idea that I should "die." Having helped two other friends die of AIDS in my home, I was well aware of the process of focus and letting go that they experienced, and I knew that "dying" would be my doorway, my help in letting go the distractions that kept me from one-pointedness.

I kept in eye contact with my dyad partner and told her I was dying. I imagined myself on my deathbed in the last minutes and felt the unpleasant sensations of being distracted by others who came to care for me. Nothing was important to me in this state: my body, my status, my money, my life story. All that was important was to get to the edge of consciousness and to jump out calmly into the unknown, letting the Truth overwhelm me.

As I went through this journey, I found my breathing becoming labored. I noticed that you were standing behind my dyad partner. I let that go. I had a passing thought that my loud talking was disturbing the other dyads. I let that go. Then I found what I thought was an edge, and I surrendered to the Unknown, stopping all thought, one big AHHHHH.

It is impossible to describe what happened after that moment. It was like cracking into a dimension that I had only touched upon before in my meditation, but never fully entered into. I felt that my breathing had stopped and my entire being was in a kind of suspended animation. I felt intense peace and a kind of deep humor. After a while, I remember saying, "Ohhh. Ohhh.." My dyad partner kept eye contact as I smiled, laughed, sighed. I began to have visual experiences. My partner became transparent; the only thing I could see were her eyes.

The visual effects lasted a long time, but I didn't get stuck on them. They were only distractions. My heart felt at peace and full, but not the melting love that I associate with the state just before this one. I was grateful to my partner for staying with me through the entire experience, until the bell rang.

For the next day and a half, I practiced getting back to this place. I learned to shed the illusions faster, to recognize the physical, mental, and emotional signs that I was nearing the edge. Every time I cracked into that state of consciousness, it was a little different. Truth had things to teach me, and I continue to learn--retracing the path in my solitary meditation.

I am very grateful to you, Pitaka, for your clear instruction, insightful understanding of each participant's place on the path, the flexibility with which you applied the rules for me so that I could participate with the kind of energy that it takes to break through. I also appreciate the love you shared with me as you brought me along to "the Peace that Passeth Understanding". I bow to you many times daily, and hope to that other seekers will benefit from your teaching. I have already recommended someone else to your care.